Failure or success? - the diversity of perspectives

Once upon a time, on a sunny March day, a middle-aged lady "knocked" on the door of Career Coach's online consultation.

In keeping with the laws of the Chamber of Secrets, let's call Kati, also a woman of secrets. Kati works in the health sector and trained as a doctor. She was looking for a change of career, not because of the circumstances, as she says, but because of anything else. I will describe how these consultations took place. How successful the consultations were is for everyone to decide at the end of the article.

The beginnings

I offered him a skills and competences test, which is an excellent crutch for wayfinding, but for some reason he resisted. Especially in the current digital climate, this complex test package is timely as he can take it in the comfort of his own home. At company level, for example, it can be used for team building or selection purposes, as it shortens the time spent on interviewing, gives the decision-maker certainty about what has already been said in the interview and can confirm any doubts the interviewer may have.

I explained the Career Coach program and we signed up. I gave you a homework assignment before the first session. I asked her, as she had not sent me a CV and did not want to take a competency test, to write down her CV - think about what was important to her - and send it to me before our first interview.

Compassion and development

I was shocked to see the task completed, and I felt physically pained because there was so much sorrow and sadness in his life story. I learned from my psychology studies that we don't interrogate, we don't open wounds, we only work with what the individual wants to share with us. If the person asking for guidance feels confident enough, they will tell you what is happening.

I have noted for myself the parts of your writing that I feel might hinder your stalled ship from moving forward. As an educator and trainer, I believe that we should find the beauty in every person, because then they will find their values. We can develop his self-awareness and self-confidence by allowing him to experience, but he needs to feel our supportive presence.

We don't solve anything for anyone, i.e. we don't give advice on what you should do to achieve your goals and happiness.

Every individual, every soul, has a journey, sometimes lighter than a breeze, sometimes heavier than a storm, or even a tornado. But if one's path is always easy, are we learning from it?

The "ordered" tasks

There are times when I, too, pondering the stars, ask the Universe why I am given such a large and difficult seemingly impossible task? Then I remember that everyone is given a task as big as they can bear, and they are strengthened by the difficulty. By experiencing, by living the feelings, energy is released, we become stronger, more imaginative, and we gain clarity.
Man is like a tree. It puts down strong roots in the ground to withstand harsh weather. If he does not, he will die sooner. Strong roots need nourishment and care. In our case, knowledge is the nutrient - the understanding, the support, the care of a consultant. II try to make the individual love himself, to take care of himself.

The aim of the consultation

Let's turn back to our hero, Kati. I have learned from non-violent communication that a person needs to clarify their feelings and find their resources and needs in order to move forward on their path.

Kati is a very intelligent, educated person who has lived most of her life trying to conform, burying her own secret desires deep down, but wanting to prove herself to those around her. In recent times Kati's tree has failed to grow, to produce new shoots. Her colourful flowers had stopped opening, unable to remember her ancestral tree, when she was surrounded by butterflies and birds. Now it lives a lonely, grey existence, without a nutritious, nurturing, caring environment.

Our task was to "revive" Kati's tree, so that she could find her own values, find her source of shining energy and thus find her way. To do this, we start with the basics, by looking at the roots, by "healing", i.e. bringing our resources into harmony, such as the right-brain-left-brain interaction.

Some theoretical additions

In order to help the reader understand the steps, I feel the need to colour them with my own examples and source material.

According to Wikipedia, "Left hemisphere dominant people have good verbal fluency, analytical thinking, good mathematical and logical abilities. Right hemisphere dominant people, on the other hand, tend to be more artistic, have good problem-solving skills, and are visual. Both hemispheres have their own functions, mainly working together. "

Dr David Hawkins' consciousness map is based on this to some extent. Also, according to One-Brain expert Carol Ann Hontz, our brains can be divided into 2 hemispheres, with research giving us much deeper knowledge. According to Carol, founder of Integrated Education in Budapest, the ideal would be to always be able to harness the 100% of our mind. Past information stored in the brain comes in the form of blocks, we get stuck in the past, with no other option but to follow old destructive, ineffective, slow-killing patterns of behaviour if there is no co-ordination between the two hemispheres of the brain.
As Dr Joe Dispenza puts it: our brains play a role in everything we do, including how we think and how we act.

The brain is the organ of personality, character, intelligence and decision-making. When the brain works well, so does the person. If for whatever reason the brain is the victim of emotional damage, trauma - then the person becomes unhappier, sicker, poorer, less wise and less successful.

The first consultation

It is important to write the above down so that you understand the scientific background to the first consultation. Kati told her life story without being asked, as the task had already given her insight, she said. "I had no idea, because I used to see a psychologist, that I was still affected by the past. I still haven't been able to let go and come to terms with the loss. It's exactly like grief."

According to Dr David Hawkins' consciousness map, loss is at a low level of consciousness, so the goal is to get to a higher level of consciousness, slowly and gently. In this situation, it is almost impossible to work with reason because it blocks the brain.

As an educated man, he listened with interest to Kati Hawkins' story about the scientist, and I also mentioned to him Dr Rüdiger Dahlke, who was a doctor and psychiatrist. Dahlke sounded familiar to Kati, as it turned out he had many books gathering dust on his shelf. Kati had told herself that she could not move forward in her career until she had come to terms with her emotional loss. As a doctor, she understood that she needed to work on her emotions to move on.

We also talked about the fact that if you want to practice medicine, for example, the perspective I convey is the same as the Hippocratic Oath: body-mind healing together.

Healing body and soul

The ancestor of all modern oaths is the ancient text of Hippocrates, the "father of medicine", known as the Hippocratic Oath.

"The Hungarian Medical Chamber - created the first Hungarian Code of Medical Ethics,[2] which - among other things - includes the following proposed text of the medical oath:

I (...) swear to conduct myself at all times in a manner befitting my medical profession. I consider the physical and mental healing of patients and the prevention of disease to be the highest law. I respect human life without discrimination. My medical activity is never aimed at taking human life. I respect the human dignity and rights of patients, I do not abuse their trust and I keep their secrets even after death. I give my teachers the respect they deserve and my fellow doctors the respect they deserve. For the benefit of my patients, I am constantly improving my knowledge and skills. I shall do my utmost to preserve the purity and prestige of the medical profession. I will, to the extent of my talents and knowledge, dictate the way of life of patients for their benefit, and will avoid anything that would harm them. "

Although I am not a doctor, it fits in with my values and beliefs.

What I emphasised to him was that the doctor has to help on a physical and psychological level, holistically, although few doctors do that today. For me it is a principle, and fortunately there are doctors around me who do.

The second consultation

The following week, our hero Kati started by saying that she was very tired from the previous time, but in a positive way, she added. She started reading the book, which she said was not an easy read.

Getting to know reality is often not easy and tedious. I am reminded of my mentor's words: if there is no change in the individual within 3 days of our conversation - positive or negative - then our work together is not worthwhile. This is possible if, for example, there is a lack of honesty, a lack of trust between the two parties. I replied to Kati that last time we were digging, which you can get tired of, and today we'll start building, which might have a more pleasing result.
He added that he had reached for R.Dalkhe's book and it was easier. Glad you honestly gave feedback and made it, working beautifully.

On our second virtual meeting, I asked him what he had brought as a task. He said that it was still very difficult, he could not formulate it. I helped him by recalling the last time and the feelings of the situation.

I was very happy that the focus was on boredom and impatience instead of loss. For me, this meant - also according to Hawkins' map - that he had managed to extricate himself from a situation that seemed hopeless. We continued with self-awareness, self-reflection, because how can one who is not even aware of himself give guidance?

You don't know yourself, even though you often look in the mirror. (Self-awareness is a lifelong programme.)

Nosce te ipsum! (delphoi oracle) = Know thyself!

Outcome of the consultation

By the end of the second session, it was clear to him that he wanted to learn, to learn new things, but he didn't know what he wanted to do... Perfect, because if you have lived your life for more than 40 years doing what you were told, you can't expect a miracle in 14 days. I also think it is miraculous enough that someone is dealing with themselves after all this time.

Before the third consultation

The next task, challenge was a self-directed but playful task, but it didn't work out, I'll tell you what happened in a moment.

Before our conversation Kati wrote me a letter, I might add that she had actually found it difficult to initiate a verbal conversation from the beginning, so it didn't seem strange that she wrote to me in writing. She indicated that we should not schedule any more after the 3rd session because she was in a position to close the process. He probably doesn't know about my empathic feelings, or my ability to detach from my own feelings and thoughts and empathize with the other person's distress.

So I felt that I had to ask her, so that Kati and I could see the reality. I asked him what he expected of me, when and where he would like to go for the 3rd time. I was not at all surprised by his answer, that he had no expectations, that he expected nothing from me. If you have no expectations, you don't know what you want, and you can't think of anything, then you don't want to change your situation - my experience shows that.

This was a super answer for me as I didn't need a 3rd time, just because he was sticking to the contract and would cancel at the last minute. So we can close here and now and if he sent a fee I would refund him. Yes this is against the contract but I have overwritten it so that there is no loss to the client. Recall dear reader what I wrote that I can identify with the Hippocratic Oath. Primum est nocere! (Hippocrates) = First, do no harm!

From the consultant's point of view

Suddenly, I couldn't decide whether I was a success or a failure.

Then my mentor reminded me that everyone comes to you as often as they need to. You have shown him a mirror, and he can manage with that and move on if he wants to. She also used to say that one should not come to someone who does not want to "heal" and that everyone should have free will. In the end my mind, my brain decided I was successful, as in 2 sessions I had insights that no psychologist, field guide had achieved in years of prolonged time. On the other hand, maybe this is my essence, that people don't need to invest as much time and money as the publicists do for their 3, 6, 10 suitable packages.

I wish you a good day,
Titanilla

p.s.: scroll down to find my other articles on this topic